Let go! Get that second shot at life!

“Do you feel
Cold and lost
In desperation.
You build up hope
But failure’s all
You’ve known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration, and
Let it go.”

These are lyrics to a song by one of my favourite bands, Linkin Park, the song is titled “iridescent”.

Man! , don’t humans just harbour a lot of pain, frustration, and hatred. We are forever caught in the miasma of the toxic and unfortunate events of our lives, and blindly dwell there, we cease to try, convinced that we will fail like the last time.

When life gives a second chance at love, we do not grab it instantly. One asks themselves, what if I get hurt like the last time? Won’t he or she regret choosing me?, Isn’t he or she too good for me?, Do people think we are suited for each other? So instead of relaxing and having a good time, we labour to be the kind of person we think our partner wants us to be, we lose our individuality out of fear of being dumped.

We are constantly paranoid, an SMS notification on his or her phone becomes unsettling, seeing him or her speaking with a person of the opposite sex is disturbing. Jelousy and insecurity threaten to ruin the relationship, all because of the choice to dwell in the hurts and disappointments of the past.

A business idea pops up, we do not act on it, or perhaps we go seeking as much validation as possible, from other people. We listen to them remind us of past failed business ventures, and we are encouraged to take the easy way out by avoiding more risks. As a result, many excuses are given, out of fear of losing the initial investment like the last time, or having people point out, “I told you it would fail.” So all the ideas, even those of inventions which could have changed the world stay buried.

When God gives us another chance to connect with him, we resist, fear looms. Does this sound familiar? Impossible maybe? I personally struggle in this department. Having been burnt many times during my Christian walk, I sometimes think that Satan attacks me to prove a point, and what is most frustrating is that God allows him.

This process of being constantly put under the test is tiring, heartbreaking and mostly seems to drag on forever. So when opportunity presents that I will be closer to God, I immediately get scared, I think my life is going to turn upside down, I am going to cry a lot, I will be tormented for trusting in God. That jeopardizes my faith, and instead of having an exclusive relationship with God, I am one foot in, and one out! I think many of us struggle with this.

Human beings do not want their peace to be bothered, we do not want trouble to instantly follow us everywhere we go, and if we think association with God makes us the devil’s targets, we keep a distance. We fail to live by faith and forget how God has constantly come through for people who put their trust in him.

But what if Job had cursed God and cut him out of his life after having been tried and tormented for his faith? Can you imagine how life would have turned out for him? What if Thomas Edison had thrown in the towel for fear of another failure.How about Jack Ma, a typical guy whom failure is all he’d ever known?

Resilience is what kept such kind of men going, letting go of all the sadness and frustration and trying again. How about trying to,

• Let go of all the mistakes you have allowed to haunt you. Be grateful for having made them, allow those mistakes to be a reference for a good lesson, and use them to redeem yourself.
• Let go of the friends that have held you back all this time. The ones who think little of you, the ones whose only opinion is merely to crush your spirit.The naysayers, who scoff at your dreams. If they are the reason you have not tried anything new, then its time you let them go.
• Let go of the dreams you have been holding on to. I mean, the dreams which were never yours in the first place, you know those that have taken over your entire life. The ones that make your life seem stagnant.
• Let go of the hate and bitterness in your heart. Yes, you have been wronged, you do have a right to be angry. Yes, what happened to you was unfair. But holding on to hatred and bitterness is a slow process of heading to an early grave

Letting go is not easy but it is
necessary for one’s health, family life, and social life. At some point, life has to go on, the pieces have to be picked up. I think Chester Bennington would not have committed suicide had he paid attention to the powerful lyrics of his song.

Does this generation understand the importance of the elderly in our society?

When we were children, we were told that being liked by elderly people is a sign of good luck and that disrespecting them could invite bad luck your way. My sisters and I were taught to treat them with respect, and that meant never walking past an elder on the street without a greeting, helping them to carry their groceries ,they could even give us a hiding when we had been naughty, regardless of whether we knew them or not, whether they were our grandparents or not. Being elderly people qualified them of the right to exercise discipline on us. You see, in those days it really did take a village to raise a child. Does it seem like I am talking of events that happened a century ago? Well, I’m not that old, I’m talking about life as it was only a few years back, and it’s surprising how that culture is rapidly changing.

In the past elderly people were revered for their immense contribution to society, they were basically walking libraries, younger generations learnt of their roots and history from them. They were known as the generation of wisdom. A Ndebele proverb says, “indlela ibuzwa kwabaphambili,” because back in the day, people knew that despite their qualifications or whatever they had been through, older people probably could have had similar experiences and they could provide a clear perspective on how to tackle some matters, their opinion was greatly valued.

Fast forward to present day, with the dawn of civilization and technological advancements, we have blindly chosen to be completely independent of the elderly’s wisdom and counsel. Not to troll on the recent advancements that are upon us, God knows, I am most grateful to be born in this era with infinite possibilities, through the internet, for example. if I wasn’t a fan of such advancements, I would not even be on this platform now, would I?

The problem, however, is that we have since been convinced, amidst all these developments and inventions that our generation is way smarter, and we do not need the older folks anymore. We seem to have lost our way in the new stuff and quickly forgotten where we come from. Our society is now marred by indifference and arrogance towards the elderly. Our generation seems to be unaware of the purpose of the elderly, which is to be our guides, to bless us, to share our joys and sorrows and amongst other things, to teach us to love.

I wish we could see the dangerous precedent we are setting for our children, and also the harm we pose to ourselves when we become older one day. If we do not preserve the respect and dignity meant for the elderly, our children will not do the same for us. At this point, may we realise that” a society that does not value its older people denies its roots and endangers its future”, as Mandela put it? May we also be reminded that the shade we sit in tomorrow will be because of the tree we plant today.

Alas if we do not take action today, our failures will sure come back to bite us where it hurts the most.

How about choosing to see only the best in people?

I have a theory that I strongly believe in.That is “if you choose to see the good or positive in  the worst person ,they could eventually become the person you think they are.”

Sometimes people become exactly what we think they are.I for one ,am this kind of person, If you think im rude,you’ll  probably always experience my rude side,if you think im snobbish,you’ll get a snob.And if you see me as a good and kind person,i will always try to be a good and  kind  person to you.

Generally, people get tired of trying to correct misconceptions about themselves.Trying to explain yourself over and over again has never been a nice exercise.The truth is that at some point, we think something concerning the character of one person,and sometimes, we have the wrong end of the stick.However if you think a positive thing about a person,they find it difficult to prove you wrong,and most of the times they are not even willing to prove you wrong. If they realise that someone thinks they are intelligent,they find themselves constantly looking for ways to enrich their minds ,so that the way they carry themselves and speak exudes qualities of intelligence.I talked to  a couple of my colleagues concerning this issue,though they feel that they may try to change the perspective of  someone who only sees their negative side  and show them that they are not all bad,they generally feel that at most, people will always have an opinion and possibly be unfairly judgemental,for which they feel it is not up to them to go on trying to change people’s minds.They feel that at the end of the day what matters is being true to yourself and ignoring what the other person thinks.

So now, instead of my negative thoughts about A having an impact on A ,those thoughts impact me rather.Actually how well or badly I think of another person could alter the quality of my life,for better or for worse..I’ve been reading David schwartz book,”the magic of thinking big”,and he dedicates a chapter on “thinking right toward people”.Now Dave has noticed that successful people like people and they focus on the positive attributes of people rather than the negatives. He narrates a story  told by his  friend on how his basic dislike of a client ,focusing only on his negative side cost his firm a contract.Well he doesnt name the friend,but to avoid mixing up the story,cause I do mix up these things sometimes,lets call the friend X.  So X’s client’s business was in bad shape,and he was losing money.X and an associate started discussing the client’s negative qualities,talking about how stupid he was and how unqualified his son was.All they could talk about was their client’s bad business sense and his shortcomings, instead of coming up with ways to solve his problems.X thinks that somehow the client felt that they,(X and associate),held little regard for him.Im thinking it showed in their faces,maybe their body language sold them out,to cut the long story short,their contract was cancelled.This is what touched me in X’s story,he says,”printing ourselves with negative thoughts for only 40 minutes cost us a $9 500 contract…We would have never lost him had we concentrated on his many fine qualities.And he has them.Most people do.”

First time blogger

Blogging is still a bit of a fuzzy principle for me.Ive always wanted to do it,but I just didn’t have an idea on how to start.When you google about having a blog they tell you about having a niche,drawing as many people as you can to your blog,etc.Its all sound advice,but I also find that hard to do earnestly.I want to be able to talk about anything.I want my blog to be a platform for me to teach,learn,discover myself and the world.As for the rules,the dos and donts of blogging,I’ll learn as I go,for now it’s all fun and writting baby..

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton