What I understand about happiness.

Happiness is probably the most sought out, hidden treasure of this planet.I mean, who does not want to be happy? You see,almost everything we chase, is in the pursuit of happiness, be it money, relationships, love, power, education, you name it.

The Oxford dictionary describes happiness as “the state of being satisfied that something is good or right.” This definition,though obviously right, confused me.It made me question whether we can ever be truly happy, whether happiness can ever be a lifestyle.I mean how often is it ever good or right with us?

I posed a question as my WhatsApp status, “what is happiness to you? When do you say this is it, I am happy?”Here are some of the responses I got..

• “Happiness is being content, particularly with what you are and what you have.”
• “It is when you are content in your environment, your circumstances and people around you.”
• “Happiness is when you don’t think or worry about anything because all you need surrounds you. Happiness comes from within, I feel happy when I am surrounded by the right people, that is, people I love.”
• “Unconditional love.Sometimes I wake up at 12 midnight and look at my baby’s pics and i feel like nothing is as important as her.”
• “Happiness is an ever-changing mood, …it’s an on and off thing.”

When I posed the happiness question on my WhatsApp, I expected my inbox to flood with responses. In five minutes my status had been viewed by twenty people, but I had responses from only two people. So I decided to track the ones who had viewed the status in their inboxes, to ask them personally. I wanted their personal opinion, not what they’ve read in the dictionary, or what some philosopher thought. I realised that many of us cannot put this emotion or feeling to words. One of my friends told me that he would have to sit and really think what happiness means. I understood where he was coming from, personally, this word has been a great obsession in my mind for weeks now. I haven’t come up with an exceptional definition or phrase to describe it, but over the past few days, this is what I have gathered or come to understand with regard to happiness.

Happiness does not need to be published.

When a person is happy, they don’t need to prove their happiness by publishing it. It is not necessary to yell from the rooftop that one is happy. If happiness exists, it shows. One’s demenor, the way they carry themselves and relate to people will always show. I am not saying people who post their happiness on social media are not happy, or pretending.It goes without saying though, that publishing it is not a requisite.So whether one publishes it or not it does not add to, or remove from the principal, that is in fact happiness.

You do not need a stamp of approval from people on your source of happiness.

There are people who have appointed themselves as society prefects,who think something is not right unless they think it is.They will put everything you do under microscopic view, and just when you settle in your happiness they will come up with reasons as to why you cannot possibly be happy.”How can he be happy driving such a small car?, how can she be happy being a secretary?,how can she be happy being a second wife?,how can he be happy living in such a cold country?, how can he be happy spending so much time alone?”Hey, happiness is a personal thing, it has nothing to do with anybody else, it’s a gift from the universe to you,embrace it.I have noticed that sometimes people’s opinions weigh heavily on us.Just because your idea of happiness is not the conventional method , you tone it down to accommodate other people’s expectations.The glory of feeling normal and appreciated may last a while but once it wears off ,you will be so incomplete and will be scrambling to grab the remaining pieces of your sanity.That is a sorry state to find oneself in .

Happiness is a decision.

We will rarely ever have everything we need or want at the exact time we need or want it.Sometimes the timing is completely off, things may not go the way we want.Emotions change everyday.You will not be in a happy mood everyday,one day you will fight with the love of your life, the next you may be in huge debt, or you may lose a parent or child.But you can decide to have a comprehensive life of happiness ,whereby no matter what happens, you do not let it get to you.This made sense to me when someone gave me this response for my question on WhatsApp.She said, “happiness is everyday.” I said, ” What do you mean?”She said, ” I am always happy because i don’t let the bad stuff get to me,and it works out for me at the end”.This made me take cognisance of the fact that we are not living in an ideal perfect world where we are shielded from daggers and swords,but in all this ,we still have the power of decision, that is to chose happiness

Happy people spread happiness, love and peace.

I am yet to meet a happy person who sows discord, sadness and hatred wherever they go.As happiness is something that is from within,it’s only natural that when a happy person has to let out something,it’s a cute package of happiness.We’ve all heard of the phrase,” garbage in garbage out”,right?So yeah, if you’ve always wondered why Mr Somebody is always sour and nasty to people, you might have your answer, he is probably unhappy.Ok so we all have our moments hey, that aunt flow time of the month where the smile just wears off and you are not so friendly.Lets blame that on biology, shall we? I think every person has a right to such moments in their life.But if the ugly moments run throughout the whole year, and they are an everyday thing, “honey, you are a sad, sad person go find you(sic) some happiness.”

Happiness can not be bought

Sadly no amount of money can buy you happiness.I have often heard this statement,”its better to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle in the rain.”Hmm, I’d take the BMW option too, but let’s not ignore this fact, both people are crying here, their positions may differ but the discharge from the eyes is the same isshh, salty liquid(tears).So having money, (which, by the way is a very good thing, )will not guarantee happiness.It would be nice though if you are happy and you have money, woow what a bonus, i would call it having all the pringles in the box.

Happiness requires you to be your biggest cheerleader

For you to be happy, and to maintain your happiness,you need to be in love with yourself.You will have to be kind to yourself, be patient, and understanding.Realise that you may not get all the pringles in your box, others will slowly disappear, but do not beat yourself up about it.When you are hurt, take care of yourself, when you fail, give yourself another chance, when you are overwhelmed, take time out for yourself.

Mind your happiness

You can not build your happiness on other people’s sorrow.No matter what you think about it being personal and all,I think there must be boundaries in the way you acquire your portion.The moment your so called, ” happiness” is built upon selfishness,it’s bound to come bitting you back in the butt.Actually I can not describe that as happiness,I think it’s more of a thrill, or even excitement, it will be short lived.Other people’s tears are certainly not a good foundation to build your happiness, no matter how hard you justify it.

When all fails , recognise that you need to be happy, not just for yourself, but for the people who love you

The greatest assets we possess, as I see it, are the people we love and who love us.They are what drives us to want to be better people, to work hard.I have my parents, my sisters and my grandmother.I would do anything for those people , they are my world.Who do you have?When you identify those people , understand that if you can not find happiness for yourself,you’ve got to atleast try doing it for them.If they love you as they say,chances are they will be happy if you are happy.